Karentology

...not what you think...

“It happened again,” Dr. G snapped, in disgust.

Dr. G is a board certified E.R. physician. His stock in trade is human carnage, ranging from the mundane to the horrifying. From his days as a resident in the E.R. at Chicago’s Cook County Hospital to locum work at a clinic on an Indigenous American Reservation he’d seen it all.

I haven’t seen it all. I don’t ever want to see it all. As a matter of fact, I’d prefer to never see any of life’s darker side again.

I witnessed some bloody bar fights in my day and even participated in a few. I experienced some dark days in the cocaine trade back in the early 1980s in Dallas. I’ve been homeless, living on the streets three times. I’ve been jailed several times. I’ve been in lockdown treatment facilities. But I never volunteered for any of it. Sure, I made all of the decisions that brought me those consequences, but I never jumped up off my cardboard mattress on the sidewalk and shouted, “I can’t wait to see what watered down gruel they’re serving at the soup kitchen today!”

On the other hand, Dr G. lives for his work. He loves helping people, thrives on the adrenaline rush provided by a busy E.R. and relishes the opportunity to work with a great team of support staff. He sounds gleeful when he talks about his work. This statement didn’t sound gleeful.

“What happened again?” I asked, hesitant, because most of his stories make me queasy.

“While I was dealing with a patient suffering multiple gunshot wounds there was a lady in the waiting room, complaining about an earache. A fucking earache.”

“She wanted to speak to the manager?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“And?”

“I kept my patient alive long enough for the trauma surgeons to take over.”

“Good work!”

“Thanks, but it got me thinking,” he responded, pensively.

“About?”

“Karens. I want to understand Karens. Why they are the way they are. What motivates them. Why they act out. Is this a mental illness? Is this a symptom of a greater societal ill? Can it be treated? Could Karentology be a new field of study?”

Karentology. Jebus.

“Okay, I’ll play. If a group of fish is a school and a group of crows is a murder then what is a group of Karens?"

“A migraine,” he responded, without hesitation. “But they normally don’t gather together in the wild.”

“So, I won’t ever see a migraine,” I stated.

“Not unless it’s in front of an abortion clinic or a public library at Drag Queen story time. And that’s the only time you’ll ever see Karens and Kens together.” 

He really had been thinking about the study of Karens.

“Listen, I gotta get some fresh fruit and fish for breakfast. Late.”

I heard surf in the background before he hung up. Dr. G’s current commute consisted of him leaving the hospital after his shift and walking home on the beach as his latest locum gig found him on an island in the Caribbean. He’d buy freshly caught fish and fruit from beach vendors and prepare his breakfast at home before sleeping.

Fuck him.

But what if he had stumbled on something? I couldn’t get Karentology out of my head. So, I began to do some research of my own.

Karens are universally white women. Why would they single out people of color for their wrath? Why would they threaten a black man watching birds in a park, a Hispanic woman working in a retail store, a group of peaceful protestors of color walking through their neighborhood or a black man painting his address in front of his house? Is this an aberration? Or the result of something more sinister?

I did some research and discovered some heinous facts about our treatment of women in this country.

Women could not own property in the United States until 1882.

Women did not get the right to vote until 1920.

In the 1950s women found it almost impossible to make wills or trusts or even control their own earnings.

Women could not serve on federal juries until 1957 and it wasn’t until 1973 that all 50 states passed legislation that allowed women to serve on local juries.

Women did not have access to legal abortion until 1973.

Women could not hold a credit card separate from their husband until 1974.

Rape and domestic abuse have been and continue to be under reported and under prosecuted because women find themselves treated, almost universally, as instigators instead of victims by the very justice system that exists to protect them.

In 2022 a reactionary SCOTUS overturned Roe v Wade returning women to the dark ages of healthcare.

In 2023 women make .82 cents on the dollar compared to what a man makes even though they have overtaken men in the number of college graduates for the last several years.

In 2023, in several states, women who got pregnant as a result of rape, are forced to allow visitation of those babies with the mother’s rapist.

This list could continue for several more pages. I hope you get the point.

Women have little recourse in the courts. They are victims of sexual harassment. They have fewer chances for equal pay and advancement at work. They are subject to violence. Their lack of power is subtly or overtly thrown in their faces every day.

Unless they stumble across women or men of color in a public setting. For once their white skin gives them power. They can call down the wrath of the authorities (the same authorities that ignore them daily) on an innocent, unsuspecting person. They become the victim and the victimizer at the exact same time. That is a powerfully addictive drug for someone who hasn’t had power.

I do not forgive Karens for what they have perpetrated on innocent people. They should be held accountable for their actions. However, if Karens felt empowered and equal to men and people of color their entire lives would they feel the need to act out? Could their behavior be explained by centuries of systemic abuse? If so, could we as a society take responsibility and look for a cure?

Karentology. God Damn. Dr. G just might be on to something.